Etty Hillesum, a relatively unknown Dutch Jewish woman compared to Anne Frank, penned a remarkable collection of diaries and letters during the Nazi occupation of the Netherlands. These writings chronicle not only the escalating horrors of the Holocaust but also Hillesum’s profound internal transformation. Encountering her name unexpectedly on a train journey sparked curiosity and led to a conversation highlighting how her story resonates even with those outside of traditional Jewish circles, such as a group of Buddhists who saw her as a spiritual guide. This anecdote illuminates the universality of her struggle and the enduring power of her words.
Hillesum’s journey began in Amsterdam in 1941. While pursuing studies in Slavic languages and law, she grappled with depression and a sense of emptiness. Under the guidance of her analyst, Julius Spier, a charismatic figure with a Jungian influence, she began keeping a diary. This practice, initially a tool for self-exploration, evolved into a lifeline as the Nazi threat intensified. The diaries initially capture the passionate love affair between Hillesum and Spier, a relationship that deeply impacted her personal growth. Simultaneously, she navigated the increasingly perilous reality for Jews in Amsterdam, facing the impending doom with a mixture of fear and courageous acceptance.
Rather than succumb to despair or go into hiding, Hillesum chose to confront the unfolding tragedy head-on. She took on administrative duties with the Jewish Council, an organization ironically established by the Nazis to facilitate deportations, and later volunteered to work at Westerbork transit camp, the last stop for many Dutch Jews before being transported to Auschwitz. This decision, driven by a profound sense of responsibility, reflects her evolving spiritual conviction that suffering cannot be avoided but must be met with courage and compassion. She refused to let the horrors around her diminish her capacity for love and understanding, even expressing empathy for the “decent German soldier” who reminded her of the interconnectedness of human suffering.
Hillesum’s writings reveal a complex individual, both modern and traditional, bohemian and bourgeois. She candidly explores themes of love, sexuality, and spirituality, including a probable abortion and her evolving beliefs about God. Her prose is interwoven with references to literature, art, and music, reflecting her deep intellectual engagement and her unwavering belief in the power of beauty and creativity, even amidst the encroaching darkness. The gradual disappearance of quotation marks around the word ”God” in her later entries signifies not a conversion to religious dogma but rather a deepening sense of personal responsibility for the preservation of humanity and goodness in the face of unspeakable evil. She realized that God wouldn’t save them; they had to save God.
Central to Hillesum’s transformation is the concept of the ”thinking heart.” This notion represents her commitment to remaining open and receptive to the suffering of others while simultaneously cultivating and protecting her inner life. It reflects her refusal to succumb to hatred or despair, even as the world around her descended into chaos. This internal resilience allowed her to find meaning and purpose even within the confines of Westerbork, where she became a source of strength and solace for her fellow prisoners. The worldinnerraum, or inner world space, inspired by Rilke, became her sanctuary, a space where both the immense suffering and enduring love of humanity could coexist. She understood that to eradicate evil in the world, one must first confront and transform it within oneself.
The impact of Hillesum’s writings extends far beyond the historical context of the Holocaust. Her words continue to resonate with readers today, offering a powerful testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the enduring importance of compassion in the face of adversity. Her story serves as a potent reminder of the need to cultivate our own ”thinking hearts” and to resist the forces of hatred and division that threaten to diminish our shared humanity. The encounter on the train and the subsequent transformation experienced by the author demonstrate the enduring power of Hillesum’s legacy – a legacy of love, resilience, and the unwavering belief in the possibility of finding meaning amidst suffering.
